Don’t get me wrong – I like Facebook. I don’t have a Facebook profile under duress, and I don’t think I’m better than all my friends because I know how shit it is and they don’t, and I probably update my status more times in a week than I change my pants. I like playing Scrabulous and looking at blurry photos. I like reading private conversations that are inexplicably being conducted in public. But my favourite feature is the relationship status notification. You get a message saying “Joe Blog is no longer in a relationship” and it’s accompanied by a picture of a broken heart! The future is now!
It would be great if you could automatically modify your profile based on your relationship status, so that if your friend became unexpectedly single, you would receive a notification saying “Joe has removed ‘movies & restaurants’ fom his interests and added ‘crying in the dark’ and ‘drinking heavily whilst reading Charles Bukowski’. It might as well update your status at the same time – “Joe is going to grow old and die alone“.
But it’s not going to happen. Most of the applications are crap and their main benefit is the humour that occurs when you see the notifications ‘Joe added the BONSAI FOETUS application at 2.15pm’ followed by ‘Joe removed the BONSAI FOETUS application at 2.16pm’.
I’m waiting for a Google application, which shares your search results with your friends. We have our private conversations in public, why not internet searches? Joe has added the google application. Joe has been searching for “sexy senoritas fisting midgets tracheostomy hardcore”. Yeah, maybe not.