10 A*s at GSCE

With 2007 being the 40th anniversary of the current, and uncharacteristically sensible abortion laws in this country, there’s a lot of so-called pro-lifers proliferating their religious-flavoured moralising on my TV.

This is the essence of an interview I just watched.
“So, I’m talking to Susan, who was nearly aborted… Susan, your view?”
“If my mother had used contraception, I wouldn’t be here now and I’ve got 10 A*s at GCSE.”

Susan, every time a man ejaculates, he chucks out about 160 million sperm. According to a quick and unscientific poll amongst some male friends, I’ve established that 3-4 unloads per week is a good average. For teenage boys, this figure is likely to be significantly higher, unless things have changed dramatically since I was young.

With about 20 million virile males in this country, that means that every week, there could have been 12,800,000,000,000,000 extra people who, if they’d achieved their full potential, could have earned a combined 128,000,000,000,000,000 A*s, had they not been mopped up by an old sock or flushed down the plughole. I think if the pro-lifers were consistent in their arguments, they’d demand a wanking ban.

Every hotel room in the country would have to put up a sign. If the government had introduced this at the same time as the smoking ban, companies could have saved money on sign-writing and had a combination sign like the one below.

no smoking or wanking

My truthful opinion on abortion is – it’s none of my damned business, it’s between a woman and her doctor.

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One Response to 10 A*s at GSCE

  1. charlotte says:

    Hahaha ah you make me larf. You know what makes me laugh more? The fact people are retarded enough to actually believe you’d let a dog be slaughtered. I can’t believe you have had to create a wtf page to explain to people what sarcasm and irony means. Please for the love of God don’t let them ban wanking….. 😉

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