Merry Xmas!

starbucks_festive 

Ah, Starbucks. This morning I supressed my laughter for long enough to buy a ‘Christmas Blend’ coffee and a mince pie, and got wished a ‘Merry Christmas’ by the barista. Truth is lies, black is white, war is peace and November is Christmas.

Other lessons I’ve learnt today…

(1) If you give authority over matters of life and death to someone called ‘Officer Dick’ who looks like a dude but isn’t, expect heavy losses of life.

(2) People called Blair shouldn’t be in charge of anything. If we look at the statistics, when someone called Blair is involved in a plan, somewhere between one and one million people will get killed. In fact, if I’m ever in the back of a cab and I see an ID card telling me my driver’s name is Blair, I’m combat rolling out of said moving vehicle and taking my chances with the asphalt.

Despite these lessons, the law has declared that no individual is responsible for the extra-judicial execution of a commuter on the London Underground. Strange, I’d have thought the commander of the operation would be, er, responsible for the operation. Crazy old me with my outrageous ideas.

Hey, maybe they DID try to sack Cressida Dick, but profanity filters on the Met’s email system blocked it.

From:    blair@police.com
To:       human_resources@met.police.uk
Subject: RE: Fire Dick!

MPS automated content monitoring gateway has stopped the following e-mail for the following reason: It believes it may contain unacceptable language, or inappropriate material. Please clean-up or re-phrase the message and send it again.

Is that a Catch-22?

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