I love Demonbaby’s blog post ‘I will never, ever, ever watch Napoleon fucking Dynamite’ – I have also never seen Napoleon Dynamite, and I never will. If I’ve told you I’m going to watch it, I was lying. I’d rather deep-fry my own hand.
Likewise, I haven’t seen Star Wars. People have tried to make me sit through it but I zone out straight away. I hate everything about the whole concept of Star Wars. I even resent the fact I have picked up knowledge of Star Wars over the years. Specifically:
I hate his benevolent-looking face. I hate his stupid pointy ears. I hate his pisspoor grammar. I hate the way he duels with people even though he’s as physically intimidating as a toddler who’s lost his mum in the supermarket and has a wobbly lip.
What the FUCK? Pull out a gun and pump the cunt full of lead!
Jar Jar Binks
Me don’t know, and me don’t want to know.
I already know he’s Luke’s father, and so what if he is, Luke? Your Dad’s a cunt, fuck him up, Millwall style.
Just the word Bloopers makes me want to harm someone. The one I’m always getting told about is the one about the storm trooper banging his head on a closing door and no-one editing it out. Hilarious. As funny as cancer.
I hate both the use of The Force, and the suggestion of the use of The Force. I hate people who tell people to ‘Use The Force’. You might as well wear a “You are the Weakest Link – Goodbye” t-shirt, you twat.
Damsel in distress; what a great plot device. And it’s depressing that they still have patriarchal monarchies in the future.
I now better do feel.