Why Wasn’t You Out There Selling?

I like to watch The Apprentice. It confirms my suspicion that business people are sociopaths who should be kept at bay with a sharp stick.

Here are a few common features of sociopathy, pinched from here:

– Glibness and Superficial Charm
– Pathological Lying
– Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
– Shallow Emotions
– Poor Behavioural Controls/Impulsive Nature
– Rage and abuse

That’s everybody on The Apprentice, including Alan and his demonic associates! They tirelessly brag about these qualities. They will stop at nothing to give a greater percentage of their essence than it is mathematically possible to give, simply for the chance to work for Sir Alan Sugar.

This is where it all starts to fall apart for me. Suspension of disbelief is only possible if you forget what Alan Sugar actually does. He manufactures and sells satellite dishes. Let’s say that again. HE MANUFACTURES AND SELLS SATELLITE DISHES.

Who the FUCK would degrade themselves on television every week for THREE MONTHS merely for the opportunity to help a grizzled, miserable, ugly-as-sin sociopath sell SATELLITE DISHES?

If Alan Sugar’s main line of business was making time machines then I would understand such pathological levels of ambition. But he doesn’t. He is offering a 1 in 15 chance of working in Dagenham selling satellite dishes.

Most rational people faced with the risk of working in Dagenham selling satellite dishes would pen their mothers a quick note by way of explanation and apology before sucking the nearest functioning tailpipe. But I’ll still be tuning in next week. Mmmm, hurts so good!


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