Just a Pancake, Then

Holland goes smoke free today, but a lot of coffeeshops are getting around the law by permitting only pure cannabis to be smoked on their premises. Cue a great quote, proving that Dutch humour exists.

Proper implementation of the law would require inspectors to check each cannabis joint for tobacco content. “It’s absurd. In other countries they look to see whether you have marijuana in your cigarette; here they’ll look to see if you’ve got cigarette in your marijuana.”

In other news, a 14 year old girl was left with a ‘sucking chest wound’ after being attacked by a grizzly bear in Alaska. I cannot think of anything that scares me more than the thought of being attacked by a bear.

Merely reading the words “Situation 3 – Bear has detected you and shows signs of aggression” on a computer screen sends a shiver down my spine.

You can’t win. They can run faster than you, climb trees better than you, dig deeper than you and can certainly out-wrestle you. A lot of American tourist websites recommend that you ‘accept the basic reality that you may encounter a bear’, which at this stage in my emotional development I’m unwilling to do, but this site in particular offers detailed advice and is worthy of a bookmark if you ever plan on visiting bear country.

I like the way it says the tips on these pages will help reduce the likelihood of meeting ‘Master Bruin’. I can just imagine greeting a bear with a cheery “Why, hello Master Bruin!” as it clamps its claws into the flesh around my collarbone moments before the brutal creation of my pulsing arterial wounds.

Sadly, once the bear spots you and decides to mess you up, even pepper spray won’t help you. Well, you might delay the inevitable for a few more seconds, but the smell of pepper can act as an attractor to other bears! It’s true!

The rest of the tips cover hand to paw combat and the art of playing dead. I remain sceptical that the author of these tips has himself survived a bear attack.

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3 Responses to Just a Pancake, Then

  1. mieke says:

    you’re going to bear country?! O_O

  2. mckinley says:

    You’re supposed to act like you’re bigger and badder then the bear. If you have a blanket, stretch it over your head and yell as loud as you can.

    I’ve camped before. Lots of bears. But they just want to eat your food, which is equally as annoying as being eaten (in my opinion).

  3. Richard says:

    If the bear was smart, it would wait until you’d finished your food and then eat you, getting a 2-1 bargain and saving some precious time.

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