I was planning to avoid Kung Fu Panda on the following grounds.
- Animated movies are increasingly generic. It wouldn’t surprise me if projects in development included titles such as Tai Chi Chicken, Kayak Yak or Pentathlon Penguin.
- The trailer I’ve seen for Kung Fu Panda features our hero inadvertently destroying something and saying ‘oops’ in a self-conscious and conciliatory manner. C’mon! Why not go the whole way and have him sit on a chair and have the chair make a fart noise?
- The protagonist isn’t even as cute as an actual Panda. In fact, he isn’t cute at all. I can’t imagine rooting for this guy – in fact I hope he gets his ass judo-chopped all the way back to the Wolong Reserve.
Then I found out David Cross provides one of the voices and changed my mind about not watching it, because I’m shallow and I love David Cross.
I am reliably informed that in Thailand, you can buy Panda Cigarettes. If I make it there I’m going to smoke myself into a toxic cloud of cute.