Under My Umbrella-a-a-a-aarghhhhh!

I managed to inflict a gruesome injury on myself with an umbrella. Yeah. The damned thing wouldn’t open properly, and in my attempt to force it, I embedded a strip of sharp metal into the index finger of my right hand. I didn’t feel a thing for a surprisingly long time, but the blood spurting from the grotesquely exposed inner sanctums of my favourite digit left me in little doubt that something bad had happened.

No A&E for me – but no guitar playing for awhile either. I wrapped the only suitable thing I could find – a silk handkerchief that I bought to wear at a wedding – around my butchered finger and squeezed as hard as I could for a long time before wrapping it in bandages and taping it up, then rewarded the brave patient with a glass of Scotch.

The balance sheet should have been evened out by the selling of my dilapidated Fiat Punto to a Romford wide-boy, had it not been for the vigourous handshake accompanying our transaction that re-opened my wound and caused me to shriek like a pantomime dame. There’s nothing more bruising to the male ego than shrieking like a pantomime dame in front of a bruiser from Romford.

Oh, and typing with one hand is rubbish.


4 Responses to Under My Umbrella-a-a-a-aarghhhhh!

  1. Amardeep says:

    I recently haven’t had any hot water, and every time i jumped in the the cold shower i’d scream like a little girl. At times i did try and make a manly grunt to absorb the shock of the cold but it never worked. Girlie screams ahoy!

  2. recoder says:

    I imagine you screaming like a Sex and the City character celebrating the arrival of a new pair of shoes.

    No hot water is rubbish. Did you forget to pay a gas bill or something?

  3. Nas says:

    “Uh Nas.. I need some medical advice…”

  4. keefo says:

    Ouch. My umbrella broke the other day… You can look quite the fool with a malfunctioning umbrella. FACT

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