I dreamt that I was giving Wayne Rooney guitar lessons. He wanted to learn Greensleeves, and I was taking him through it phrase by phrase. I remarked that some historians thought Henry VIII had written Greensleeves. He said that in Liverpool, to ‘Henry the 8th’ meant to put all of your weed into one bong.
Yeah, I’m blogging my dreams now. Blog paralysis. We spent a week and a half on Koh Lanta, where I had a great time with Islamic sea gypsies until our Thai visas ran out. I will write a lot about it, but not yet, and not here.
We fly back to London in three short weeks. We’re in Malaysia for the next two weeks. I’m a little underwhelmed by Malaysia, although I think this is mostly because it isn’t Thailand. I think I might have mentioned – I love Thailand.
Kuala Lumpur is a hectic city, and very hot. It’s never less than thirty degrees, which is great if you’re by the sea-side, not so great if you’re elbowing your way through Chinatown with heavy bags, tiredness and hunger.
I have to say that KL (as it is referred to by KL’ers) does a very good job of relieving the symptoms of tiredness and hunger. Our hotel was cheap and comfortable, and the choices of food on offer were astonishing as much for their tastiness as their prices. Satay is the Malay staple – sticks of barbecued meat marinated in sugary peanut sauce. The most I’ve eaten in one sitting was ten. Chinese food is everywhere – the only thing to get used to is that Chinese and Malay cuisine uses all parts of an animal, from lips to butt-cheeks. I must have held up my chopsticks and asked, ‘what the hell is THIS?’ a dozen times, never to receive a satisfactory answer. It’s usually tasty though.
Malay is a strange language. It uses the Roman alphabet, and is a bit like English gone wrong. Ticket counter? Tiket kaunter. Yes? Ya. My name is? Nama saya. You get the idea.
We’re in the charming old colonial town of Melaka now. We’re here for another night, then we head out to the Tioman islands to squeeze in a final few days of diving and snorkeling. Then we head home via Singapore, a few days after which I will be thirty, unemployed and living with my girlfriend’s parents.