So, I‘m 30 and 1/52nd. Nothing profound has happened. I have watched a lot of cricket, drunk a lot of tea and procrastinated whenever the opportunity to apply for a job has presented itself.
I have two worries. One, that I won’t get a job. Two, that I will get a job. Wimbledon is coming up, followed by the Ashes. It is possible that I will spend the whole summer watching other people exert themselves on my behalf.
Television. I’ve watched more in the last two weeks than in the previous two years, and I hereby state my hypothesis that at any given moment, something featuring Stephen Fry is being broadcast. Now, don’t get me wrong – I love Stephen Fry. I hate to think how impoverished I would be had I not saturated my brain with Blackadder, Jeeves & Wooster and A Bit of Fry & Laurie as a child. Yet, the sheer depth and breadth of Fry is astounding: Today, in two seperate programmes (one the passable comedy/drama Kingdom, the other a documentary of his journey across the United States) he was filmed in a hot air balloon. This almost seems allegorical, bless him.
Anyway. I’d almost always prefer hearing Fry Twitter on than reflect too deeply on the progress of the British National Party. I can only think this: If the BNP achieved their objectives, I would be very lonely.
Luckily for me, you’re never alone with computer games. Nas was kind enough to get me GTA: Chinatown Wars for my birthday, and I’ve found playing it very cathartic. I was on a train from Devon to London the other day, instead of allowing the dickishness of some of my fellow passengers to raise my blood pressure and ruin my journey, I flicked on the DS, committed a few carjackings, ran amok in a hospital and used a shoulder-to-air missile to efficiently remove a police helicopter from the sky. And the Daily Mail wants the game banned! Think how many real lives have been saved by the technology that allows us to indiscriminately slaughter digital people.
It does desensitize you to horrific violence, though. My answer to the question, ‘Would you like a cup of tea’ is often a variation of, ‘Yeah, wait a sec. I’ve just kidnapped some triads and locked them in the boot of the car I just stole from a hospital car park. Let me just dump them in the river and fire-bomb their parents’ mini-mart, then I’ll make a pot…’
Gotta go – QI’s just started.