Lucifer Rising

Empty page. Lovely. For the last week, I’ve been editing and publishing text written by other people, referring to the Guardian’s excellent style guide often enough to illustrate how much I rely on charm when I’m slightly out of my depth.

It’s been good! The text I am obliged to edit, publish and promote is not uninteresting (case notes pertaining to employment law), and the remuneration for my time and effort is generous. I’m even enjoying dressing smartly for a change. This is a consequence of wearing nothing but flip-flops, linen trousers and beer t-shirts for a year.

One of my new colleagues is a guy with thick black curly forearm hair. He is going bald. I bet he wishes his forearm hair grew out of his head. I met another guy who looks and acts like Ted from Scrubs. Zoinks!

Imagine you had access to a database in which you couldn’t help but see web users’ passwords. Imagine you found out someone who worked for a fire department uses the password lucifer_rising. What if you knew a social worker’s password is helpme, or a policeman’s ganjatoker? Laugh or cry? Hypothetically, of course.


I bought so much stuff this weekend: I got the first series of The Wire (some obscure American television show, don’t ask me…) and Christopher Brookmyre’s Pandemonium. I also picked up a second set of Sennheiser headphones (different sets for different purposes) and a bottle of single malt scotch. A shamelessly material response to completing my first week of work.

I only acquired a taste for single malt a couple of months ago, when someone gave me a bottle of The Balvenie for my birthday. My first thoughts – according to the pretentious tasting notes – should have been of cinnamon spiciness and vanilla high-notes, but were in fact: “Oh, fuck. That’s done it. I can’t drink cheap whisky any more.”

Going back to Famous Grouse after drinking The Balvenie would be like masturbating into a dirty sock after having sex with Angelina Jolie going back to your Fiat Punto after driving a Mercedes.

Advertisements

11 Responses to Lucifer Rising

  1. mieke says:

    i had a 21 euro glass of cold sake the other night to go with my 45 euro piece of wagyu rib eye so i know what you mean.

  2. recoder says:

    If I made my own brand of Saké, I’d call it “For Fuck’s”.

  3. McKinley says:

    I love the wire. I think I watched it all in a week. It starts slow, but two thumbs up on character development.

    If you ever think that you’re so wealthy you should donate money to charity, consider me. I’m so poor with my school not really allowing time to study that I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do with myself.

  4. Dan says:

    “editing and publishing text written by other people”

    It’s terrible, but I had no idea until then what an online editor really did. I blame sunstroke.

  5. recoder says:

    Dan, let’s see what the style guide says about sarcasm…

    Sarcasm
    Best avoided unless author is of English nationality.

  6. recoder says:

    Mck, it sounds like you’re time poor rather than money poor. You need a Delorean and some plutonium. Just watch out for those Libyans.

  7. Amardeep says:

    would it be better if the sock was clean?

  8. Amardeep says:

    also, the wire isn’t so obscure anymore. everyone talks about, even tory politicians when they want to get some street cred http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1133461_top_tory_compares_moss_side_to_the_wire. pitiful.

  9. keef says:

    I’ve got all of the wire on a hard drive somewhere. But I have not bothered watching it…yet

  10. Dan says:

    No, really! Maybe I can’t blame the sun, but that only makes it worse. I thought, for some reason, that any job title beginning with ‘online’ couldn’t possibly be that literal or obvious.

    Fail.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s