Life as a recovering newsaholic can be difficult.
I caught this story about Ali Dizaei, the senior policeman recently jailed for perverting the course of justice. He had been assaulted in prison; a fellow inmate had poured a slop bucket over his head before punching him unconscious.
My first thought: “That doesn’t sound very hygienic.”
My second thought: “Surely it would have been better to punch him unconscious BEFORE pouring the slop bucket over him?”
I’m an improver. Almost a perfectionist. But nothing could improve the perfection of one man’s stupidity: He ate a winning scratchcard, depriving himself of ten thousand Euros.
Links that scream ‘don’t click me’
You know those websites that will shorten URLs for you? Here’s the exact opposite: a website that will generate links for you that look scary and dangerous. Try it. It’s fun at least once.
A friend asked me “What is the most offensive thing you could be doing at the moment a complete stranger connected to your webcam?”
I sketched out a couple of possibilities so gratuitously unpleasant as to make the SAW movies look like documentaries about the best ways to care for your Gran. I really disturbed myself. I used to play ‘which would you rather‘ at a world-class level, and I think it’s warped my mind.